5 jokes every fifth day

A computer is a device for repeating operations until 1 and 1  adds up to a mistake. At which point it becomes a device for sleeping with repairmen.

Words are like candy, the sweeter they are, the sicker they make you.

I walked into a Jewish bar in Brooklyn and found the place morose, darkly lit and unsociable. It wasn’t even Yom Kippur. I asked for a beer they said they only have wine, their beer shipment was delayed. That seemed to explain the bad mood hanging in the air. But then, the wine was the sweetest thing I have ever tasted. I told the bar keeper, how can you be in such a state with wine like juice? I feel IN- VIG- O -RATED! He told me I had  a Buddhist symbol shaved in my hair and this was a Jewish bar, damnit! They must have been dyslexic, I think.

How many is that? 3. oy.

To keep your daughter a virgin until she’s married, give her a banana to practice. Teach her that she’ll be able to avoid pregnancy  (or jail) when the boy’s penis stays in one piece.

The path to enlightenment is most easily found with artificial sweetener.

USAGE LICENSE: If you are a professional or amateur comedian, you may use these jokes in your act, but you must announce where you found them. If you take them without attributing credit, I will find you and cut off one testicle and switch it with one of my own. Then we’ll be “ball brothers”. If you prefer not to be ball brothers, just attribute credit when you do your act. Most women comedians go out of their way to be serious rather than funny so I don’t think they’ll want to steal these jokes to begin with and therefore  no alternative gender threats are needed.

I already put up 5 (five) jokes and so this license agreement is NOT a sixth.

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