Richard Nixon was the man on the grassy knoll. Not figuratively, of course, but literally.
In twelve months that separated the assassination of joey kennedy on january first, 1982 and the reelection for mayor of st.augustine of Richard Milhous Kartoundere Nixon on November 23, 1983, five naked women were seen stuffing office papers up their shafts and making xerox copies for distribution to the new idahoan communist partisans for violent reform, under the guise of democrat saboteures. Beautiful women all, they had been painted by botticelli and left in the sun to dry for 500 years until they were sex trafficked to the great state of idaho to act as suceuses for ronald reagan’s skull in an effort to hear the sound of hollywood whumping liberal fascists and their reparations-by-gaybee orphanages.
Little was it known at the time and has been covered up until now, but Jimmy Filana Kennedy was a gumshoe reporter for a high school confidential on the rate of abortion among muslimist victims of female masturbation, whacking off in the bowels of the idahoan communist offices at the time that the imaginary ladies were undressing their electronic bits, having walked in after hours, through the hole that jimmy had left when he rammed a WWI era rebuilt Renault FT-17 personal ram tank in order to outrage local neighbors, who in fact assumed the noise was nothing worse than the Internationale that marked the opening of each meeting, followed by David Bowie played backwards through wooden amps.
Upon climaxing throught the CCTV circuitry straight onto the breasts of these walking xerox machines, jimmy had heard them instinctively scream out their phone number, names, ages, addresses and personal feelings of inhibition and bulimia before providing identification to the camera and an explanation that the mayoral candidate, Nixon, had forced them into this plot to frame the democrats in exchange for not revealing their continued practice of unidirection oral masturbation to the Nixonian member, provided they continued to do so and charge extraordinary fees to the mayoral account, in order to make his reading parakeet Thelma jealous.
Jimmy was suffocated, on a grassy knoll in a california studio, two days later.
You tell me there’s no concoction!